1 00:00:02,902 --> 00:00:04,836 [ Announcer ] From television city in Hollywood. 2 00:00:04,904 --> 00:00:08,473 ♪ Boy, the way Glenn Miller played ♪ 3 00:00:08,540 --> 00:00:12,210 ♪ songs that made the hit parade ♪ 4 00:00:12,277 --> 00:00:15,981 ♪ guys like us we had it made ♪ 5 00:00:16,048 --> 00:00:19,084 [ together ] ♪ those were the days ♪ 6 00:00:20,419 --> 00:00:24,255 ♪ and you knew where you were then ♪ 7 00:00:24,323 --> 00:00:27,659 [ Archie ] ♪ girls were girls and men were men ♪ 8 00:00:27,727 --> 00:00:30,328 [ Archie, Edith ] ♪ mister, we could use a man ♪ 9 00:00:30,395 --> 00:00:34,633 ♪ like Herbert hoover again ♪ 10 00:00:34,700 --> 00:00:38,003 [ Archie ] ♪ didn't need no welfare state ♪ 11 00:00:38,070 --> 00:00:41,506 [ Edith ] ♪ everybody pulled his weight ♪ 12 00:00:41,573 --> 00:00:45,844 [ Archie, Edith ] ♪ gee, our old lasalle ran great ♪ 13 00:00:45,911 --> 00:00:51,783 ♪ those were the days ♪ 14 00:01:02,928 --> 00:01:05,930 you know, my lips are starting to stick together. 15 00:01:05,998 --> 00:01:07,932 This glue tastes terrible. 16 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,702 Mmm, these cherry-flavored envelopes taste great. Yeah ? 17 00:01:10,770 --> 00:01:12,704 Yeah. Let me have a taste. 18 00:01:12,772 --> 00:01:15,373 Here. Not that way. 19 00:01:16,508 --> 00:01:19,343 Mmm, yeah. I can taste the cherry. 20 00:01:20,612 --> 00:01:24,115 Yeah, and I can taste the post office. Let go. 21 00:01:24,183 --> 00:01:26,584 I can't. I'm stuck. 22 00:01:26,652 --> 00:01:28,586 Michael, I can't breathe. 23 00:01:28,654 --> 00:01:32,157 That's all right. This is a great way to go. We'll just stay like this. 24 00:01:32,224 --> 00:01:35,393 Don't mind me. Just go right on talkin'. 25 00:01:36,628 --> 00:01:39,463 I got the stew on, so I can help you now. 26 00:01:39,531 --> 00:01:43,101 Good. I'm a very good licker and stamper. 27 00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:47,371 When I worked for the Hercules plumbing company before I got married, 28 00:01:47,439 --> 00:01:52,077 I used to lick all the first-of-the-month envelopes myself. 29 00:01:52,144 --> 00:01:55,246 And then they changed their billing date to the 15th, 30 00:01:55,314 --> 00:01:58,083 and they asked somebody else to do it. 31 00:01:58,150 --> 00:02:01,252 Why didn't you do it on the 15th, ma ? 32 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:04,288 Because I only worked there two weeks. 33 00:02:06,992 --> 00:02:10,561 Oh, hi, Archie. 34 00:02:10,629 --> 00:02:12,864 You got home early. [ Gloria ] Hi, daddy. 35 00:02:12,932 --> 00:02:15,433 [ Mike ] Hi, arch. Gee, that's some greeting I get. 36 00:02:15,500 --> 00:02:17,635 Don't all of youse jump up at once. 37 00:02:17,703 --> 00:02:21,039 Is something wrong, Archie ? 38 00:02:21,107 --> 00:02:25,009 I tell you, the milk of human kindness is dryin' up out there. 39 00:02:25,077 --> 00:02:28,279 I get off the subway, and I'm crossin' Pearson street near the park. 40 00:02:28,347 --> 00:02:30,749 A big, dumb cop comes up to me, 41 00:02:30,816 --> 00:02:33,618 talks to me about jaywalking, you know ? 42 00:02:33,685 --> 00:02:37,455 So I put my hand here, and I tell him I got a stinging pain here... 43 00:02:37,522 --> 00:02:40,191 Like I'm havin' a heart attack and I'm runnin' to the doctor. 44 00:02:40,259 --> 00:02:43,594 What does he do ? Laughs, gives me a ticket. 45 00:02:43,662 --> 00:02:46,965 But, Archie, you wasn't havin' a heart attack. 46 00:02:47,032 --> 00:02:50,135 But, Edith, he didn't know that. 47 00:02:50,202 --> 00:02:53,471 In today's world, the milk of human kindness is curdling. 48 00:02:53,538 --> 00:02:55,473 Ohh. 49 00:02:55,540 --> 00:03:00,578 Poor dear. Well, now you're home in the bosom of your family. 50 00:03:00,646 --> 00:03:05,049 All right, all right. You don't have to maul me. 51 00:03:07,386 --> 00:03:09,320 What are youse two doing here ? 52 00:03:09,388 --> 00:03:12,623 Don't tell me it's real work or I'll have a heart attack. 53 00:03:12,691 --> 00:03:15,459 Consider your life spared. We're not getting paid for this. 54 00:03:15,527 --> 00:03:17,996 That's right. This happens to be something we believe in. 55 00:03:18,063 --> 00:03:23,001 - Man does not live by bread alone. - You sure don't. 56 00:03:23,068 --> 00:03:27,172 Not unless the bread's wrapped around ham, baloney, liverwurst or salami. 57 00:03:27,239 --> 00:03:30,308 No wonder you're a meathead. [ Chuckling ] 58 00:03:31,911 --> 00:03:34,946 Let's see what new subversion you're fermenting here. 59 00:03:35,014 --> 00:03:38,283 That's my pop, always there with an open mind. 60 00:03:38,350 --> 00:03:40,685 Listen, little girl, my mind's just as open as yours is, 61 00:03:40,752 --> 00:03:45,190 except when it's closed 'cause the facts of the case is already known to me. 62 00:03:45,257 --> 00:03:49,294 - Edith, do you know what you're stuffin' them envelopes with ? - No, I didn't read it. 63 00:03:49,361 --> 00:03:52,964 Well, you're stuffin' them envelopes with radical, liberal garbage. 64 00:03:53,032 --> 00:03:56,201 Why don't you stop putting labels on things you don't understand ? 65 00:03:56,268 --> 00:03:58,402 I understand this, all right. 66 00:03:58,470 --> 00:04:02,874 "Queens free clinic, a place for the high school dropout, the teenage runaway, 67 00:04:02,942 --> 00:04:05,944 "that will provide free food, free medical attention, 68 00:04:06,011 --> 00:04:09,047 free treatment for v.D." 69 00:04:09,114 --> 00:04:12,650 V.D. You know what that means, Edith ? 70 00:04:12,718 --> 00:04:17,055 V.D. No, wait. Don't tell me. 71 00:04:19,725 --> 00:04:23,862 I know it's someone's initials. 72 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:32,070 Well, you ask a dingbat a question, you get a dingbat answer. 73 00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:36,007 I better go look at the stew. 74 00:04:36,075 --> 00:04:40,078 I don't know what all this fuss is about. They have clinics like this all over the country. 75 00:04:40,145 --> 00:04:42,580 Why should them dropouts get anything free, huh ? 76 00:04:42,647 --> 00:04:46,985 When I was a kid, you had to be in the army to get free shots for v.D. 77 00:04:47,052 --> 00:04:48,987 Don't worry, arch. 78 00:04:49,054 --> 00:04:51,789 I'm sure the army still gets its share of the action. 79 00:04:51,857 --> 00:04:55,093 I keep thinking it had something to do... 80 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:58,829 With flags and parades and things. 81 00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:00,831 What did, ma ? 82 00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:05,003 I know ! V.D. Day ! 83 00:05:10,242 --> 00:05:12,277 No, Edith. 84 00:05:12,344 --> 00:05:14,845 That was v.E. Day. 85 00:05:14,914 --> 00:05:18,283 Come on, ma. I'll help you with supper. 86 00:05:18,350 --> 00:05:21,286 I'll tell you the "basical" problem with your dropouts today... 87 00:05:21,353 --> 00:05:24,289 Is they ain't got no gratitude. 88 00:05:24,356 --> 00:05:26,791 What do you mean ? No gratitude for what ? 89 00:05:26,858 --> 00:05:28,793 For what they got here. 90 00:05:28,860 --> 00:05:32,363 What do they got here ? They got the greatest country in the world here. 91 00:05:32,431 --> 00:05:34,365 Highest standard of living. 92 00:05:34,433 --> 00:05:37,302 The grossest national product. 93 00:05:37,369 --> 00:05:41,372 What more do they want from us anyhow ? Peace. 94 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:46,411 One thing they ain't got, and right away they drop out. 95 00:05:46,478 --> 00:05:49,480 How 'bout pure air ? How 'bout clean water, non-contaminated food ? 96 00:05:49,548 --> 00:05:51,849 All right. How 'bout confidence in their government ? 97 00:05:51,917 --> 00:05:55,153 All right, will ya ? We ain't perfect. 98 00:05:55,220 --> 00:05:59,657 This is the United States of America. It ain't the perfect states of America. 99 00:05:59,724 --> 00:06:03,394 Dropouts are all for tearing things down. Where are their solutions ? 100 00:06:03,462 --> 00:06:05,830 They don't have any solutions. You're telling me. 101 00:06:05,897 --> 00:06:08,499 Why should they ? Archie. 102 00:06:08,567 --> 00:06:12,236 Look at the United States as a house on fire. 103 00:06:12,304 --> 00:06:15,974 Now, those kids see the fire, 104 00:06:16,041 --> 00:06:18,843 but they don't have the equipment to put it out. 105 00:06:18,910 --> 00:06:22,680 Does that mean that they shouldn't yell, "help, fire ! Help, fire !" 106 00:06:23,983 --> 00:06:27,685 You know, I think you're dead from the neck up. 107 00:06:32,591 --> 00:06:34,692 Let me tell you something. 108 00:06:34,759 --> 00:06:39,364 You gotta get these dropouts and welfare incipients off the public money. 109 00:06:39,431 --> 00:06:42,200 You'd see how fast this country would turn around. 110 00:06:42,267 --> 00:06:45,336 You'd have pure air and clean water coming out of your ears. 111 00:06:45,404 --> 00:06:48,473 [ Doorbell rings ] Okay, fine. I'll get everyone off of welfare. 112 00:06:48,540 --> 00:06:52,377 I want you to save the taxpayers a hundred times as much. Get us out of Vietnam. 113 00:06:52,444 --> 00:06:54,912 Listen, I could settle Vietnam for you. 114 00:06:54,980 --> 00:06:59,150 First you take delivery of this package, and then you settle Vietnam. 115 00:06:59,218 --> 00:07:01,152 Your name bunker ? 116 00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:03,388 That's right. Archie bunker. 117 00:07:03,455 --> 00:07:07,325 I changed it from lipschitz for business reasons. 118 00:07:08,494 --> 00:07:11,229 Five years, I kid one customer, 119 00:07:11,296 --> 00:07:13,831 and it's gotta be him. 120 00:07:13,899 --> 00:07:16,901 What's in the package ? Let me open it, will ya ? 121 00:07:16,968 --> 00:07:20,405 Gee, you want me to stop the war, clean the water, purify the air... 122 00:07:20,472 --> 00:07:23,141 And see through wrapping paper. 123 00:07:23,208 --> 00:07:25,976 Oh, who was that at the door, Archie ? 124 00:07:26,045 --> 00:07:28,979 Just a package for me, Edith. Oh, what is it ? 125 00:07:29,048 --> 00:07:32,917 Oh, cigars. Oh, hey, hey. These ain't just cigars. 126 00:07:32,984 --> 00:07:35,753 Wait a minute. These are macanudos. 127 00:07:35,820 --> 00:07:39,690 Gee, these babies cost a buck a piece. 128 00:07:39,758 --> 00:07:42,260 Gee, Edith. 129 00:07:42,327 --> 00:07:44,595 I ain't had a dollar cigar since-- 130 00:07:44,663 --> 00:07:48,433 you never had a dollar cigar. That's right. 131 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:51,169 Gee, I don't know who sent them. There's no card. 132 00:07:51,236 --> 00:07:54,205 I guess whoever sent 'em wants to remain unanimous about it. 133 00:07:54,273 --> 00:07:56,541 [ Doorbell rings ] 134 00:07:56,608 --> 00:08:00,211 Edith, these cigars are the nectarines of the gods. 135 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:04,115 My luck. I got all the way down to the truck, 136 00:08:04,183 --> 00:08:06,784 and I remembered I had another package for you. 137 00:08:06,851 --> 00:08:09,454 Oh, Archie ! Hold it, hold it, everybody. 138 00:08:09,521 --> 00:08:12,223 Don't nobody touch it now till I sign for it. 139 00:08:12,291 --> 00:08:14,225 There we go. 140 00:08:15,694 --> 00:08:17,628 There. 141 00:08:22,267 --> 00:08:25,669 Heaviest package I carried all day. 142 00:08:27,206 --> 00:08:30,007 I'll bet you were glad to put it down then, huh ? 143 00:08:36,181 --> 00:08:38,983 All right. Go on. Open it up. See who it's from. 144 00:08:39,050 --> 00:08:40,985 See what it is. Yeah. 145 00:08:41,052 --> 00:08:43,321 Oh, look ! [ Mike ] Hey, look at this ! 146 00:08:43,388 --> 00:08:45,656 Gee, this is fantastic. It's beautiful ! 147 00:08:45,724 --> 00:08:48,659 Look at the booze in there. Fois gras, strassburg and camembert cheese. 148 00:08:48,727 --> 00:08:51,162 Smoked oysters. Here's a card, daddy. 149 00:08:51,230 --> 00:08:55,566 Beluga caviar, scotch, bourbon, vodka. There's nothing but the best here. 150 00:08:55,634 --> 00:08:58,569 The very best. Look, wheat thins ! 151 00:09:02,407 --> 00:09:06,810 Who's it from, Archie ? I mean, who do we know could afford this ? 152 00:09:06,878 --> 00:09:09,180 Only one man in the world, Edith. 153 00:09:09,248 --> 00:09:12,016 Twenty-five years ago, when I first knew this guy, 154 00:09:12,083 --> 00:09:14,352 he didn't have two nickels to rub together. 155 00:09:14,419 --> 00:09:17,021 Now he's worth five million bucks. Archie, don't tell me. 156 00:09:17,088 --> 00:09:20,591 Eddie Frazier ! Look at the jilt-edged card. 157 00:09:20,659 --> 00:09:24,362 "Love, Eddie Frazier." 158 00:09:24,429 --> 00:09:28,332 - I told youse two about Eddie Frazier ? - A hundred times, daddy. 159 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:31,869 Yeah, he's the guy that won the war with you. Good old Eddie Frazier. 160 00:09:31,936 --> 00:09:34,539 [ Both ] Even way back then I knew he'd make it big some day. 161 00:09:34,606 --> 00:09:37,642 A real go-getter. Yes ! 162 00:09:37,709 --> 00:09:40,044 The biggest automobile dealer west of the Mississippi, 163 00:09:40,111 --> 00:09:42,213 or maybe in the whole country. 164 00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:45,049 No matter how big he is, he still remembers me at christmastime. 165 00:09:45,116 --> 00:09:48,653 - Always a card. - The last one was nice. 166 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:53,191 The three wise men were riding in a blue convertible. 167 00:09:54,393 --> 00:09:57,428 Some businessman, Eddie Frazier. 168 00:09:57,496 --> 00:10:01,065 Someday you two might be lucky enough to meet him, see what America's all about. 169 00:10:01,132 --> 00:10:04,335 He started selling with nothing but a secondhand studebaker. 170 00:10:04,403 --> 00:10:06,103 And no conscience. Huh ? 171 00:10:06,171 --> 00:10:09,373 What's he done except become a millionaire ? Ain't that enough ? 172 00:10:09,441 --> 00:10:13,644 No, that ain't enough, and therein lies the gap between our generations. 173 00:10:13,712 --> 00:10:17,648 Therein lies the gap between your ears. 174 00:10:20,619 --> 00:10:24,088 How dare you look down at a man like Eddie Frazier, 175 00:10:24,155 --> 00:10:27,525 a guy who could buy and sell your whole generation ? 176 00:10:27,593 --> 00:10:30,695 Okay, so he's rich. Now, what is he doing for his fellow man ? 177 00:10:31,830 --> 00:10:34,098 He's paying his taxes. 178 00:10:34,165 --> 00:10:38,035 He's supporting these dropouts that youse two are runnin' a tag day for. 179 00:10:38,103 --> 00:10:40,771 - [ Phone ringing ] - I'll get it. 180 00:10:42,674 --> 00:10:46,344 Hello. Mr. Archie bunker ? 181 00:10:46,411 --> 00:10:48,779 - Who is it, Edith ? - Just a minute. 182 00:10:48,847 --> 00:10:53,183 It sounds like the operator. It's for Mr. Archie bunker. 183 00:10:56,355 --> 00:10:59,624 What is it, a long-distance call ? That's what it sounds like. 184 00:10:59,691 --> 00:11:02,860 [ Coughs ] Hello. This is Archie bunker here. 185 00:11:03,928 --> 00:11:05,929 Huh ? 186 00:11:05,997 --> 00:11:09,467 Will I hold for Eddie Frazier ? 187 00:11:09,534 --> 00:11:11,769 Sure, I'll hold for Eddie Frazier ! 188 00:11:11,836 --> 00:11:16,274 It's Eddie Frazier. He must be calling me from the coast to find out-- 189 00:11:16,341 --> 00:11:18,276 hello ? Yeah, I'm holding. 190 00:11:18,343 --> 00:11:20,678 Here, Edith, you take this. Keep the line alive. 191 00:11:20,746 --> 00:11:24,882 He's calling me from California, a guy worth $35 million ! 192 00:11:30,656 --> 00:11:32,590 [ Toilet flushing ] 193 00:11:45,170 --> 00:11:48,071 Just-- yes, just a minute. He's right here. 194 00:11:48,139 --> 00:11:51,342 Mr. bunker had to answer another call. 195 00:11:57,816 --> 00:11:59,750 Yeah, I'm here, oper-- 196 00:11:59,818 --> 00:12:03,754 what ? Oh, that's you, Eddie. 197 00:12:03,822 --> 00:12:06,023 Hi, Eddie boy ! How are ya ? 198 00:12:06,090 --> 00:12:08,992 Hey, gee, your voice sounds like the same old guy ! 199 00:12:09,060 --> 00:12:12,697 [ Laughing ] How you doing ? 200 00:12:12,764 --> 00:12:15,466 Wh-- you-- you're in New York ? 201 00:12:15,534 --> 00:12:18,268 He's in New York, Edith. You're in new-- 202 00:12:18,337 --> 00:12:21,372 yeah, we thought because it was the operator-- 203 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:24,375 oh, that was the operator from the hotel, Edith. 204 00:12:24,443 --> 00:12:26,544 Oh, I see. Hi, Eddie ! 205 00:12:26,611 --> 00:12:28,879 Huh ? 206 00:12:28,947 --> 00:12:31,882 You want to come over to see us tomorrow night ? 207 00:12:31,950 --> 00:12:35,285 Oh, gee, Eddie. He wants to come over to see us tomorrow night. 208 00:12:35,354 --> 00:12:37,388 Hey, Eddie, that's sensational. 209 00:12:37,456 --> 00:12:39,390 Who ? 210 00:12:39,458 --> 00:12:42,226 Oh, the frouge twins and Billy prendegast. Sure, I remember them. 211 00:12:42,293 --> 00:12:44,395 I ain't seen 'em since fort dix, but-- 212 00:12:44,463 --> 00:12:47,898 yeah, I can round 'em up if you want us to, sure ! 213 00:12:47,966 --> 00:12:50,735 We'll have a regular wingding. We'll have a regular wingding here. 214 00:12:50,802 --> 00:12:52,936 We'll have a regular wingding here. 215 00:12:53,004 --> 00:12:55,840 We'll have a regular wingding here. 216 00:12:55,907 --> 00:12:59,410 Oh, Eddie. That's great. 217 00:12:59,478 --> 00:13:02,413 It's great to hear your voice and to know you're coming over here. 218 00:13:02,481 --> 00:13:05,082 How are ya ? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. 219 00:13:05,149 --> 00:13:07,685 We can talk about it tomorrow night. That's right. 220 00:13:07,753 --> 00:13:11,255 Before you hang up, Eddie, I want to tell you... 221 00:13:11,322 --> 00:13:13,924 Thanks for thinkin' of me, huh ? 222 00:13:13,992 --> 00:13:16,226 Yeah, I'll see ya. 223 00:13:16,294 --> 00:13:18,228 Oh, gee. Oh, Archie. 224 00:13:18,296 --> 00:13:20,498 Your old army buddies are coming here ? 225 00:13:20,565 --> 00:13:22,500 Yeah. 226 00:13:22,567 --> 00:13:25,936 Billy prendegast and the frouge twins... 227 00:13:26,004 --> 00:13:29,607 And the unspeakable Eddie Frazier. 228 00:13:29,674 --> 00:13:33,444 You know, Edith, those guys was the whole war to me. 229 00:13:33,512 --> 00:13:35,880 And they're comin' here. 230 00:13:35,947 --> 00:13:37,882 All right, youse two, get ready. 231 00:13:37,949 --> 00:13:40,851 Tomorrow night you're gonna have a treat. You're gonna meet Eddie Frazier at last. 232 00:13:40,919 --> 00:13:44,822 We're going to the movies tomorrow night. What do you mean ? 233 00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:48,125 Hey, what's the matter ? You're scared you're gonna find out you're wrong ? 234 00:13:48,192 --> 00:13:51,962 Are you scared you might have to admire a guy with 50 million bucks ? 235 00:13:52,030 --> 00:13:54,732 No movie. You stay here. Let's get this place cleaned up. 236 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,535 I don't want my old army buddies to think we're living like slobs. 237 00:13:57,602 --> 00:14:00,471 And get rid of all this pinko propaganda, huh ? 238 00:14:00,539 --> 00:14:03,273 Let's clear the decks for some real Americans. 239 00:14:03,341 --> 00:14:07,277 Listen, Eddie Frazier is gonna have you eating out of his hand. 240 00:14:07,345 --> 00:14:09,279 Ha-ha-ha-ha-ho ! 241 00:14:22,461 --> 00:14:25,329 Come on, you guys. Let's get a little life in the party. 242 00:14:25,396 --> 00:14:28,332 This ain't like the old 272nd I used to know. Go on, Billy. 243 00:14:28,399 --> 00:14:31,836 Help yourself to another drink there. Have some pretzels, Joe. 244 00:14:31,903 --> 00:14:34,338 I'm Fred. Fred ! That's right. 245 00:14:34,405 --> 00:14:38,141 There's Joe over there. Always got these guys mixed up. 246 00:14:38,209 --> 00:14:41,946 We called them the frouge twins because they both had the same last name. 247 00:14:42,013 --> 00:14:44,615 It was Joe frouge and Fred frouge. 248 00:14:44,683 --> 00:14:46,817 But they ain't related and they never was. 249 00:14:46,885 --> 00:14:48,819 They don't look alike and they never did. 250 00:14:48,887 --> 00:14:52,022 But we always got 'em mixed up just like they was real twins. Funny ? 251 00:14:52,090 --> 00:14:54,358 [ Forced laughing ] That's funny ! 252 00:14:57,061 --> 00:14:59,830 And Billy prendegast over here-- oh, Billy. 253 00:14:59,898 --> 00:15:03,501 You know what I want you to do ? Edith, come out here. 254 00:15:03,568 --> 00:15:06,370 I want you to tell Edith the story of how you met your wife. 255 00:15:06,437 --> 00:15:09,673 Edith, Billy's gonna tell you the story about how he met his wife. 256 00:15:09,741 --> 00:15:13,644 Edith, this is the funniest story in the world. Go ahead, go ahead. 257 00:15:13,712 --> 00:15:16,714 Well, there was this blind date... 258 00:15:16,781 --> 00:15:19,783 That big John kapawana fixed me up on. 259 00:15:19,851 --> 00:15:23,286 I went to this girl's house which I never met. 260 00:15:23,354 --> 00:15:26,624 And her mother or her sister come to the door-- 261 00:15:26,691 --> 00:15:28,626 I don't remember who. 262 00:15:28,693 --> 00:15:33,230 And she yelled, "hey, Josephine, your date's here !" 263 00:15:33,297 --> 00:15:35,699 And then this girl, Josephine, come out. 264 00:15:42,407 --> 00:15:44,942 Four months later, we was married. 265 00:15:47,078 --> 00:15:49,880 What an unusual story. 266 00:15:51,482 --> 00:15:54,418 That ain't the story. That ain't the way you met your wife, Billy. 267 00:15:54,485 --> 00:15:57,588 - You didn't tell it right. - Wait a minute, arch. You got 'em mixed up. 268 00:15:57,656 --> 00:16:01,258 It was tootie decanter had the story about meeting his wife. 269 00:16:01,325 --> 00:16:05,162 Tootie decanter ! That's right. It was tootie decanter. 270 00:16:05,229 --> 00:16:07,164 Excuse me, gentlemen. 271 00:16:07,231 --> 00:16:09,833 You see why I get everything mixed up ? 272 00:16:09,901 --> 00:16:12,102 There was so many stories about these guys. 273 00:16:12,170 --> 00:16:15,673 They was always doing something. A million laughs. 274 00:16:15,740 --> 00:16:17,975 [ Archie laughing ] 275 00:16:18,043 --> 00:16:21,045 - When's Eddie gettin' here ? - Yeah, when's he comin' ? 276 00:16:21,112 --> 00:16:23,681 - Where's he at ? - Take it easy. He'll show. 277 00:16:23,748 --> 00:16:26,584 He probably got held up with some big deal, you know. 278 00:16:26,651 --> 00:16:29,587 He's a doer. He's probably doing something right now. 279 00:16:29,654 --> 00:16:32,122 You remember that time outside of naples... 280 00:16:32,190 --> 00:16:34,458 When Eddie got a hold of that Italian printin' press, 281 00:16:34,525 --> 00:16:37,127 and he printed us all up them three-day passes ? 282 00:16:37,195 --> 00:16:40,130 Hey, he sold so many of them passes, 283 00:16:40,198 --> 00:16:43,601 the only one who fell out for reveille was the colonel ! 284 00:16:43,668 --> 00:16:47,137 You hear that ? [ Forced laughing ] 285 00:16:47,205 --> 00:16:49,473 Whoa. 286 00:16:49,540 --> 00:16:53,944 Gee, what a success he is. And he deserves it. I'll tell you why. 287 00:16:54,012 --> 00:16:57,982 He's the kind of a guy that don't lay around waiting for conditions to get good. 288 00:16:58,049 --> 00:17:02,319 You listen to this, Mike. He's the kind of a guy that makes his own conditions. 289 00:17:02,386 --> 00:17:04,822 Yeah, but sometimes you can't do that, arch. 290 00:17:04,889 --> 00:17:07,658 We got a little business-- gravestones. 291 00:17:07,726 --> 00:17:10,494 No matter how much you push, there's no money around. 292 00:17:10,561 --> 00:17:13,463 They're dyin', but they ain't buyin'. 293 00:17:13,531 --> 00:17:16,166 [ Archie ] Listen, they must be buyin' around Eddie Frazier, 294 00:17:16,234 --> 00:17:19,069 or else who's he selling all them cars to, chimpanzees ? 295 00:17:19,137 --> 00:17:21,672 You show me a chimpanzee that can drive, 296 00:17:21,740 --> 00:17:24,508 and I'll send him back to the zoo in a clean late-model... 297 00:17:24,575 --> 00:17:27,011 With factory air and whitewalls ! 298 00:17:27,078 --> 00:17:29,013 Eddie Frazier ! [ Cheering, laughing ] 299 00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:31,682 Archie, old buddy, how are ya ? How are ya ? 300 00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:35,519 Billy prendegast ! Good to see you. 301 00:17:35,586 --> 00:17:37,688 Hiya ! And the frouge twins. 302 00:17:37,756 --> 00:17:39,690 Joe, how are you ? I'm Fred. 303 00:17:39,758 --> 00:17:41,692 Freddy, good to see you. I'm Joe. 304 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:43,761 Where's Jack ? We ain't got no Jack here. 305 00:17:43,828 --> 00:17:46,463 You got Jack Daniel's. I know 'cause I sent it. 306 00:17:46,531 --> 00:17:48,465 Oh, funny ! Hey-hey ! 307 00:17:50,368 --> 00:17:53,570 I want you to meet my family. Edith, Gloria, come on in here for a minute. 308 00:17:53,638 --> 00:17:56,239 I want you to meet Eddie Frazier. 309 00:17:56,307 --> 00:17:59,543 This is my wife Edith, my daughter Gloria. You old goat ! 310 00:17:59,610 --> 00:18:02,345 Where do you get off with a pretty girl like this ? 311 00:18:02,413 --> 00:18:04,948 It's a pleasure to meet you. Thank you, Mr. Frazier. 312 00:18:05,016 --> 00:18:09,720 Any millionaire friend of Archie's is a friend of mine. 313 00:18:09,788 --> 00:18:11,722 My daughter Gloria here. Hello. 314 00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:14,892 Hiya, sweetheart. And my son-in-law Mike stivic over there. 315 00:18:14,959 --> 00:18:17,227 How are you ? Hey, you know, 316 00:18:17,295 --> 00:18:19,930 I got a boy just about your age. 317 00:18:19,998 --> 00:18:22,232 What do you do ? 318 00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:24,568 Right now I'm in college, but when I get out, 319 00:18:24,635 --> 00:18:28,405 I hope to join Ralph nader and fight corruption in business. 320 00:18:32,643 --> 00:18:35,312 Good. Good. I hope you'll be very successful. 321 00:18:35,379 --> 00:18:39,049 Well, Archie bunker. Boy, you sure haven't changed much. 322 00:18:39,117 --> 00:18:41,919 'Course you were always full and big through here, 323 00:18:41,986 --> 00:18:44,922 but I can see that's all behind you now ! 324 00:18:44,989 --> 00:18:47,157 Every line a funny with this guy ! 325 00:18:47,225 --> 00:18:51,161 Edith, bring out the trays and the fancy stuff. Go on, help your mother. 326 00:18:51,229 --> 00:18:53,731 Hey, Eddie, come on over and have a drink. 327 00:18:53,798 --> 00:18:57,000 Them Christmas cards that you send us every Christmas mean a lot to our family. 328 00:18:57,068 --> 00:18:59,336 It's nothing. Don't say they're nothin'. They're a lot. 329 00:18:59,403 --> 00:19:03,607 What brings you to New York ? Can't a guy fly in and see a few of his pals ? 330 00:19:03,674 --> 00:19:05,609 You came to see us ? Well, sure. 331 00:19:05,676 --> 00:19:09,947 You guys hear that ? All the way from Los Angeles to see us, he flies ! 332 00:19:10,014 --> 00:19:12,883 I had a little help from the plane. 333 00:19:12,951 --> 00:19:15,786 A gag a minute with this guy ! Is this guy funny ! 334 00:19:15,854 --> 00:19:17,955 Oh, what's not to like ? 335 00:19:18,022 --> 00:19:21,491 Where'd you hear that one ? 336 00:19:21,559 --> 00:19:23,493 I got that one off of Bob hope. 337 00:19:23,561 --> 00:19:26,096 We was playing together in the desert classic down the Springs. 338 00:19:26,164 --> 00:19:28,298 - You play golf with Bob hope ? - Certainly ! 339 00:19:28,366 --> 00:19:30,467 This guy's a tv personality himself. 340 00:19:30,534 --> 00:19:33,137 You didn't catch him last year with Johnny Carson from the coast ? 341 00:19:33,204 --> 00:19:35,472 I was on tv before Johnny Carson. 342 00:19:35,539 --> 00:19:38,909 Hi, people. Eddie Frazier talking to you here. 343 00:19:38,977 --> 00:19:42,545 I want you to take a look at this beautiful '68 hardtop right here. 344 00:19:42,613 --> 00:19:46,583 Radio, heater, padded dash, tinted glass. 345 00:19:46,651 --> 00:19:48,986 Believe you me, folks. This car is a steal. 346 00:19:49,053 --> 00:19:52,422 I oughta know because I'm the guy that stole it ! 347 00:19:52,490 --> 00:19:55,392 Eddie, come on. Sit down right here in my chair, huh ? 348 00:19:55,459 --> 00:19:58,996 Will you step out of the way, Mike ? 349 00:19:59,063 --> 00:20:01,398 Oh, Archie, did I get any phone calls ? 350 00:20:01,465 --> 00:20:03,400 A phone call ? Not here, ed, no. 351 00:20:03,467 --> 00:20:06,103 I'm expecting one. I hope you don't mind I left your number. 352 00:20:06,171 --> 00:20:10,674 See that ? Can't get away even for one night without some big deal going. 353 00:20:10,741 --> 00:20:13,277 You hear that ? That's the way to get ahead. Eddie. 354 00:20:13,344 --> 00:20:16,180 Yeah. When I knew you was comin' over, you know what I done ? 355 00:20:16,247 --> 00:20:19,016 I went down the cellar, I found this old box full of pictures of all of us. 356 00:20:19,083 --> 00:20:22,085 Come on, youse guys. You're all in these pictures here. 357 00:20:22,153 --> 00:20:24,087 Take a look at these. Boy ! 358 00:20:24,155 --> 00:20:26,690 In the first one, there I am with you, Fred. 359 00:20:26,757 --> 00:20:29,193 Joe. See, I mixed them up again. 360 00:20:29,260 --> 00:20:32,229 You mixed it up again ! Funny ! Oh-ho. 361 00:20:32,297 --> 00:20:34,531 Say, Archie, can I use your phone ? Eddie, sure. 362 00:20:34,598 --> 00:20:36,867 Right back over here. I'll be right back. 363 00:20:36,935 --> 00:20:39,703 Come on, you guys. Sit down over there. Take a look at these. 364 00:20:39,770 --> 00:20:42,206 Mike, go fix Eddie his drink, huh ? 365 00:20:42,273 --> 00:20:45,108 How 'bout that Eddie Frazier ? Some guy, ain't he ? 366 00:20:45,176 --> 00:20:48,145 Plays golf with Bob hope, but he's still a regular guy. 367 00:20:48,213 --> 00:20:52,049 Greg. Hey, Greg, is that you ? 368 00:20:52,116 --> 00:20:54,517 [ Chattering continues ] Listen, fella. 369 00:20:54,585 --> 00:20:57,554 I don't know how many times I've left messages for you-- 370 00:20:57,621 --> 00:21:00,057 no, no, no. I'm here in New York. 371 00:21:00,124 --> 00:21:04,228 I've been waiting around that stinking hotel room three days waiting for you to call me back. 372 00:21:04,295 --> 00:21:06,230 I got so lonely, I even-- 373 00:21:06,297 --> 00:21:09,333 I even called up a few guys I haven't seen since 25 ye-- 374 00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:12,336 they say-- what ? [ Laughter ] 375 00:21:12,403 --> 00:21:15,072 What do you mean, you didn't want to ? 376 00:21:15,139 --> 00:21:17,975 Can't you spare me five or ten minutes ? It's been three years. 377 00:21:18,042 --> 00:21:20,244 I've got a lot to say to you. 378 00:21:20,311 --> 00:21:22,913 Look, we got a lot to say to each other. 379 00:21:22,981 --> 00:21:26,250 Now, don't talk to me like that, son. I'm your father. 380 00:21:26,317 --> 00:21:29,887 Uh, Mr. Frazier. Uh, what ? Oh. Thank you. 381 00:21:29,954 --> 00:21:33,924 Eddie's some dresser. Look at that suit. Must be worth 500 bucks. 382 00:21:33,992 --> 00:21:38,095 - Get a load of the alligator shoes he's got on him ? - If they're real alligator. 383 00:21:38,162 --> 00:21:42,165 What are you talkin' ? Eddie wouldn't put his feet in no phony alligator. 384 00:21:42,233 --> 00:21:45,369 They gotta be 60 bucks anyway. Sixty ? Ninety at least. 385 00:21:45,436 --> 00:21:47,570 Alligator like that comes only custom. 386 00:21:47,638 --> 00:21:50,673 Oh, sure, sure, I've made a lot of mistakes. 387 00:21:50,741 --> 00:21:53,210 You'll be making a few yourself before you're through-- 388 00:21:53,278 --> 00:21:57,547 listen to me, Greg. I am your father. Don't make me beg ! 389 00:21:59,317 --> 00:22:01,418 [ Nervous chuckle ] 390 00:22:01,485 --> 00:22:05,255 What I'm trying to say is, I'm only gonna be in New York... 391 00:22:05,323 --> 00:22:07,791 For another 24 hours. 392 00:22:07,858 --> 00:22:10,961 Well, let me put it this way. Could you use $500 ? 393 00:22:11,029 --> 00:22:13,263 Five hundred dollars for five minutes, huh ? 394 00:22:13,331 --> 00:22:15,465 Five lousy minutes. What do you say ? 395 00:22:15,533 --> 00:22:18,802 Mike, don't be standing around. Get everybody some ice. 396 00:22:18,869 --> 00:22:22,205 - Did you get a load of that watch Eddie's wearing ? - One of those Swiss jobs. 397 00:22:22,273 --> 00:22:25,275 A hundred and seventeen jewels if it's worth a quarter. 398 00:22:25,343 --> 00:22:28,378 But that ain't Swiss. This guy buys American a hundred percent. 399 00:22:28,446 --> 00:22:31,915 Archie, look at Eddie. I think he's crying. Huh ? 400 00:22:31,983 --> 00:22:33,917 What do you mean, crying ? 401 00:22:33,985 --> 00:22:37,988 He's crying all the way to the bank with 60 million bucks. 402 00:22:38,056 --> 00:22:40,424 What do I care ? 403 00:22:40,491 --> 00:22:45,062 What do you mean ? Would I be talking to you like this if I didn't care ? 404 00:22:45,129 --> 00:22:48,231 Because you're my son, damn it ! 405 00:22:48,299 --> 00:22:52,336 Now, Greg, listen. Don't hang up. Greg. Don't hang up on me. 406 00:22:55,373 --> 00:22:57,307 Oh. 407 00:22:57,375 --> 00:23:00,243 I was just talkin' to my son. Great kid. 408 00:23:00,311 --> 00:23:03,646 Great kid. That boy could have anything he wants from me. 409 00:23:04,949 --> 00:23:06,883 What does he want from you ? 410 00:23:06,951 --> 00:23:11,254 Kids today, you know, they're all this sort of-- 411 00:23:12,923 --> 00:23:17,227 he wants me to stay the hell away from him. 412 00:23:17,295 --> 00:23:19,329 Hey ! Eddie, come on over here ! 413 00:23:19,397 --> 00:23:22,199 We were havin' an argument about that watch you're wearin'. 414 00:23:22,266 --> 00:23:24,701 Is that one of them fancy foreign jobs ? Nah, that's an old watch. 415 00:23:24,768 --> 00:23:27,704 I had it a long time. I got it off a dead jap. A dead jap ? 416 00:23:27,771 --> 00:23:30,307 - You was in Italy with us. - I didn't get it in the war. 417 00:23:30,375 --> 00:23:32,309 My gardener died. 418 00:23:36,047 --> 00:23:39,383 Hey, you guys. You know Eddie sprung for this party, huh ? 419 00:23:39,450 --> 00:23:42,285 So let's have a little toast to Eddie. What do you say ? 420 00:23:42,353 --> 00:23:44,721 Hey, what do you say ? "He's a jolly good fellow" ? 421 00:23:44,788 --> 00:23:48,358 ♪ For he's a jolly good fellow for he's a jolly good fellow ♪ 422 00:23:48,426 --> 00:23:51,461 ♪ for he's a jolly good fellow ♪ 423 00:23:51,529 --> 00:23:53,563 ♪ which nobody can deny ♪ 424 00:23:53,631 --> 00:23:57,767 ♪ which nobody can deny which nobody can deny ♪ 425 00:23:57,835 --> 00:24:01,571 ♪ for he's a jolly good fellow for he's a jolly good fellow ♪ 426 00:24:01,639 --> 00:24:04,674 ♪ for he's a jolly good fellow ♪ 427 00:24:04,742 --> 00:24:08,245 ♪ which nobody can deny ♪ 428 00:24:21,059 --> 00:24:23,760 yeah. 429 00:24:23,827 --> 00:24:27,597 I bet you're glad you didn't go to no movies tonight. 430 00:24:27,665 --> 00:24:30,767 Oh, yeah. 431 00:24:30,834 --> 00:24:34,438 You met four of the greatest guys in the world. 432 00:24:36,006 --> 00:24:38,608 I hope you remember everything you've seen tonight. 433 00:24:40,611 --> 00:24:44,081 Don't worry, arch. I'll never forget it. 434 00:24:44,148 --> 00:24:46,083 Yeah. 435 00:24:46,150 --> 00:24:49,286 ♪ Bless them all ♪ 436 00:24:49,353 --> 00:24:51,621 ♪ the long and the short ♪ 437 00:24:51,689 --> 00:24:54,791 ♪ and the tall ♪ 438 00:24:54,858 --> 00:24:58,462 ♪ there'll be no promotion ♪ 439 00:24:58,529 --> 00:25:02,199 ♪ this side of the ocean ♪ 440 00:25:02,266 --> 00:25:06,236 ♪ so cheer up, my lads ♪ 441 00:25:06,304 --> 00:25:08,305 ♪ bless them all ♪ 442 00:25:34,898 --> 00:25:37,567 [ announcer ] All in the family was recorded on tape... 443 00:25:37,635 --> 00:25:39,636 Before a live audience. 444 00:25:39,686 --> 00:25:44,236 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0